Saturday, May 31, 2014

Bosh Just Caressing His Own Toosh

Bosh just continuing to give us homo erotic material. It's one thing to wipe your sweaty palms off but he's legitimately molesting himself. Everyone else is getting hyped meanwhile Bosh just wants to love all his curves and imperfections. The thing is though is that Bosh doesn't have a butt. He's bony. Just zero buns. Girls swoon over guys like David Beckham but Bosh is a plank. Don't flatter yourself, buddy... but also never change.

Friday, May 30, 2014

I'm Sick Of Pop Embarrassing Reporters

Look, I love Gregg Popovich. I think he's one of the best basketball minds ever. Hell, he may even be a better coach than Phil Jackson, but I'm so sick and tired of him embarrassing reporters and having everyone blindly laugh at his arrogance.

I understand short and concise answers but he literally gives one word responses. He stares David Aldridge in the face and an awkward silence follows. Everyone I know hoots and hollers and says "Oh man, Pop is hilarious! He just took a steaming dump on that reporter! He's so real!" My question is why does he do it?

Is it because he lost to a coach last year that probably doesn't know the difference between the elbow and the block? Or perhaps it's because his face has craters like the moon. Maybe it's because his mouth hasn't seen the bristles of a toothbrush in a year or so.

Whatever the reason I think it's stupid that he not only humiliates these reporters but that he has legions of idiots who think it's hilarious. Watch that video, you'll hear every reporter start laughing at one of their own, just waiting for this old prick to feast on him.

Hey Pop, that was a serious question! Riddle me this you old bag: how come in the Western Conference finals every single game you've played has been a blowout? Your own Hall of Fame forward said it's been the craziest series of his life. It's not like this reporter asked an absurd question. Just answer it without trying to get laughs. The only thing I will say though is that the reporter should have shut up after he asked the question. It's a tough pause to deal with but the first person to talk is the weakest. Just sit there and be like "yes, I am serious, now answer the damn question." Rather simple really. Instead he just puked all over himself trying to backtrack.

Oh and I love everyone who says Sager is the only guy who can handle Pop. That's not true... he's just taken the most crap from him. One of these wild card sideline reporters needs to pepper him with questions. Just rapid fire because what makes all of these hyenas cackle at him is the awkward silences. He hits you with a one word response and then there's like 5 seconds of the reporter gargling on his own mucus.

Get me a mic and I'll tame this scrooge.

PS- Pop offends all 5 of my senses. Taste included.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Terry Crews Crushing The SportsCenter Intro

If you don't love Crews then you can get all the way outta my face. Delivers flawless performances and this is just another. Obviously the main attraction is the titty jiggle sychronized with the iconic "da-da-da-DA-DA-DA" Now every time you hear that you will think of big Terry and his chest.

Like I said, Crews has a lot of hilarious roles, but this is easily his best:

PS- Terry Crews might be just enough to watch that new Adam Sandler movie that looks like an abortion.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Sign the Man? Avery Bradley

The Boston Celtics have a lot of difficult decisions to make this summer in their quest to provide competitive basketball to their insatiable fan base.  It starts with the draft on the 26th of June, but I'm not getting into that here. One of the more difficult decisions Celtics GM Danny Ainge will have is whether or not to resign the tenacious, yet injury prone, 23 year old "three and D" guy.

His History
The Celtics drafted Bradley with the 19th overall selection in the 2010 draft. They will extend Bradley a qualifying offer worth 125% of his previous years salary (around $2.5mil in 2013) making it around $3.5mil in 2014. This makes Bradley a restricted free agent, and allows the C's to match any offer extended his way during the off-season. The kicker here, which will probably ramp up the drama in July, is that last December the Celtics actually offered Bradley a 4 year/$24mil deal that Bradley and his team rejected. At the time, Bradley thought he was worth more like $8m/year so no deal was done.

Then, he got hurt.


For those keeping track at home, during the course of his career Bradley has had surgery on both shoulders, on his ankle, and now he's having problems with his achilles. He's 23 years old. This is not like you or me playing at the local court where we can have one of our paper-thin shoulders slide out only to return after a grimace, and a proclivity to rebound with one arm for the rest of the game. Bradley's game is built upon him being physical with scorers who are often bigger than him. He needs to be able to get up on his opponent, smell what type of deoderant they wearing, and slide his feet like Junior Senior. This is a legitimate concern for a young guy, and the laws of human development suggest it will be a bigger concern as he ages.

His Value
Even with his injury history, it doesn't mean he still isn't valuable. This past season, he sets career highs in points per game (14.9),  total rebound percentage and turnover percentage. His PER was a lackluster 12.7, but his overall game has improved. He is honing his skills as the trendy 'three and d' guy after shooting 39% from downtown. Bradley and his camp will be able to point to these improving skills, and the increasing value of a player with these skills (see Danny Green), as a way to justify a better deal.

With that said, when playing in a city like Boston, numbers from the first 3/4 of an NBA season on a team that is tanking need to be taken with a grain of salt. Celtic fans are concerned with winning titles, and for that reason, performance in the playoffs is what carries the buttermilk. This is important because Avery Bradley has historically been terrible in the playoffs. During the 2012 run, Bradley played just around 25 minutes per game and was valuable as a defender and role player (although the numbers tell a different story. They say he was bad). A better sample to look at was last years playoffs when Bradley played a larger role and averaged around 32 minutes a game against the Knicks. Bradley was atrocious during this series often getting humiliated by the likes of an overweight Rebook employee (Raymond Felton). Bradley's PER was 6.7 and his turnover percentage was something to write horror stories about at 20.1%.

The point being it's very difficult to tell what type of player Bradley will be at 26-27-28 years old. His numbers and upside could paint the picture that he is a $7/$8mil player per year. But, his timid attitude and tendency to get the playoff jitters could ultimately cause him to ride the pine in those critical Game 6's and 7's. A guy earning $8mil needs to be on the court in the playoffs, and he needs to be reliable. Bradley's injury history and playoff performaces put this into serious question. Take a look at comparable players in the league and their contracts:

Arron Afflalo - 7.75mil/year
Wes Matthews - 7(ish)mil/year
Gerald Henderson - 6mil/year
Tony Allen- 5(ish)mil/year

Matthews is probably the best comparison to Bradley in terms of style of play and identity. The Blazers lucked out after signing him to a 5 year $34mi offer sheet in 2010, plucking him away from the Jazz. The difference is Matthews has developed into a wildly efficient shooting guard and his balls in the playoffs are the size of an Irish broad's ass.

If I'm His Agent
As Bradley's agent, I'm getting in touch with those teams that need some toughness on the defensive end, but also don't play in the most demanding of markets. Teams like Utah, Phoenix and Charlotte. I'm asking for around $8mil/year, and my sales pitch will be a heavy dose of defensive efficiency with a splash of young age. If I really want to make sure Bradley does not go back to Boston, I need to make the offer sheet large enough to ensure the Celtics don't match it. $8mil/year is definitely a large enough deal to let Bradley channel his inner-Affleck, and put the entire town in his rear view.

If I'm the Celtics
I match any offer sheet up $7mil/year. If he's not getting those $8mil/year offers then I will know that the market has spoken. If the offer sheet is anywhere between $7.5 and $8 a year, then I would have no choice but to take a fifth of Jack, the complete set of The Godfather and my "Film Room" Spotify playlist into the bunker where I'll hopefully emerge after 24 hours with an answer and a rebooted mind.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Miguel Olivo Is Back Baby

Leave it to Olivo to bring me out of my sabbatical. I used to love this guy. Feisty Dominican catcher who will hit you 16-20 bombs and bat anywhere below .250. Unfortunately, his talents have recently been wasted in AAA Albuquerque, but that doesn't stop ole Miguel from adding a little fire to the Dodgers organization. Nope, Miguel saw that the Dodgers needed a spark after losing 7 of their last 12, so he did what needed to be done: He bit a Cuban guys ear off.

The victim of Olivo's motivational bite was a 2013 Cuban defector, Alexander Guerrero. Apparently, the two got into it during a mound visit, and it carried over into the dugout. From there, Olivo reached into his bag of tricks to send a statement up the Big League Level--A Holyfield type bite.

Now, the motivation for this bite is not known. Perhaps it was a shot at current Dodgers catchers AJ Ellis and Drew Butera that Miguel is hungry for their job. Perhaps it was a symbolic statement that not all Cuban defectors are safe in the Dodgers organization. I don't know. But what I do know is that Miguel Olivo is a man who overflows with passion. In 2007, he attacked Jose Reyes. In 2010, he passed a kidney stone in the 8th inning of a game only to return to the same game later. In 2013, he just walked out on the Marlins in spite. And now, ole Miguel is taking his Cuban ears raw with a side of motivation. Consider the Dodgers organization to be on notice. There is not a catcher or Cuban who should feel safe. It's Olivo time, baby.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Will Middlebrooks: The Red Sox Canker Sore

     Is this the man who has brought the Sox back down to mediocrity? Not quite, but he should be front and center as Boston's most hated athlete right now. 'But Skard, he's an up and coming prospect, just give him time.' Are you shitting me? What's there to like about this twig? He gets hurt if the breeze is too strong. 'Dude, he's got so much power though.' Power? Wily Mo Peña had power too, and I'm pretty sure he made me a sub last week. When Sox fans are reminiscing about when you hit .227, I'd say its time to hit the cage and maybe make some adjustments. And has anyone checked out his Wins Above Replacement (WAR)? Last year he had a WAR of -0.1 and this year it is -0.2. In case anyone was wondering how impressive that is, here's a quick chart provided by

     So besides the fact he's a terrible fielder, has a sub .200 average, is soft as butter, and forced the Sox to re-sign Stephen fuggin Drew, what else is there to hate about him? How about his most egregious act to date?!?  Do people remember that brunette bombshell sideline reporter who used to make your toes curl? This chick...

     Ya, Middlebrooks is responsible for taking her out of our lives as well. He could've chosen any other bimbo in the city after that hound Seguin left, but nope, its gotta be Jenny. Hey Billy, if you happen to be a Binger, do us all a favor and pack your things, Cecchini is the new darling of the Sox future. Get your rat looking face out of our city, you're toast.

*As I wrote this NESN did a segment on how long it takes Gary Striewski to do his hair...Fuggin' Middlebrooks...

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Sports Illustrated Confuses Nelly with Flo Rida

 Click to enlarge

Sports Illustrated just showing us their pop culture knowledge. How dare they confuse an all time great like Nelly with that roided out freak Flo Rida.

Also, turd cutter in the back... what it do, boo?

Monday, May 12, 2014

Rick Reilly Continuing To Be Absurd

The Binge has been resurrected after a 2 year hiatus or however long it's been but one constant remains: Rick Reilly writing articles that piss me off. The only thing more perplexing than his jibberish is the fact that ESPN continues to employ him and feature his drivel.

His latest junk comes today. He wrote an article explaining how you can judge an athlete's (man's) character by the way he tips. Shut up, Rick. Just shut up. And honestly, this is a command for everyone out there who thinks you can tell a lot about a person by the way he tips to shut the hell up as well.

He applauds the likes of Tamba Hali for leaving a $1,300 tip on a $1,530 tab but crucifies Tiger Woods because apparently he's cheap. Don't get me wrong, Tiger seems like a cheap prick... but he's also the most dominant golfer of all time. He can do whatever the hell he pleases. Drive balls a country mile, not tip, sleep with legitimate prostitutes... whatever. It's a terrible argument though because Reilly literally only includes Woods and Scottie Pippen. It really just seemed like a hate article against Tiger and he decided to sprinkle in Scottie at the end just so it didn't sound too unbalanced.

But that's just it... it is unbalanced. Notice he doesn't say anything about Vince Young or JaMarcus Russell. I bet Vince was a great tipper and I bet JaMarcus left tips fatter than both his butt cheeks. But we crucify these morons because they don't understand the value of money and they just piss it all away at the club or at a high end restaurant like TGI Fridays.

Hey Reilly, you know how rich people stay rich? By not farting away $200 just because they can. Seriously, you ever seen Broke?

But here is my fundamental issue with dummies like Reilly. These are the type of guys that think people in the service industry should be tipped just because they can chew gum and breathe simultaneously.

Look, I understand that many waiters and drivers make their cash from tips and don't get me wrong, I tip. But there's this troubling trend that people in the service industry can literally do whatever they want and us patrons are supposed to tip handsomely and not get upset at garbage service.

Like we've all seen those ridiculous BuzzFeed articles explaining the 25 reasons why being a waiter sucks and it's always the customers fault. Apparently I can't get bitter at the waitress because my food took an hour to get to my table.

I'm still supposed to tip a healthy amount even though my drink order was wrong because the waiter decided they were gonna impress me by memorizing my order instead of just writing it down. Enough. If you give me, at the very least, decent service... WHICH IS EXPECTED BTW... then you will get tipped the proper amount.

Reilly can spare me with the whole: "oh these athletes are super rich so they should tip a huge amount." Meanwhile he'll be the same hypocrite bashing Justin Blackmon for pissing away his earnings when he's outta the league.

I guess what I'm saying is that Reilly and everyone else in the service industry can quit their belly aching.

PS- Now cue the service industry crowd bashing me because I was never a waiter so I don't know anything and then continuing to say all Indians are cheap and smelly. 

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Free Josh Gordon!

     FREE THIS MAN. Is it possible to impeach Roger Goodell yet? Christ! We all had to sit and watch this buffoon during the draft shake hands with Marvin "my gun shoots people but I don't" Harrison, while Ray "I preach about God and values but also kill people" Lewis analyzed players he's never watched. That's all well and good, but hey, don't you bring that stinky herbal essence into my league! Gordon smoked pot, somebody call the FDA!
     Can we let this man live mas for once? Rapelisberger stuffed a turkey in a dirty bathroom stall. Favre sent some underwhelming hog pics to a sideline reporter. Ray Rice gave his fiancé the ole Chris Brown treatment. Donte Stallworth ran over some granddad while sippin on gin and juice. And here's Josh Gordon being a normal rich young guy trying to get his relaxation on but nope, Sith Lord Goodell over here is about to sit his ass down for the year.

     Maybe I'm the only one who's getting fired up about this. Maybe I'm biased because I love watching this guy torch defenses. But is anyone actually offended that this guy smokes in the offseason...and maybe sips a little sizzurp on the side? Goodell just needs to stick with what he does best - coming up with absurdly bad ideas. Gordon is just a peaceful guy trying to have some 'far out' conversations with his homies. Give peace a chance Rogah.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Steven Adams' Gold Tooth Is GANGSTER

This gold tooth just put the rest of the NBA on notice. It's common sense not to mess around with a cat who sports a gold tooth. Also common sense not to mess with a dude who is 7ft and built like a truck, but certainly not one with a gold tooth.

You know, I pretty much already tabbed Damien Lillard as my favorite player in the league, especially after that game winner the other night. But now that I saw Steven Adams' fake tooth... well he's supplanted D Lil. No question about it.

We see a lot of fashion in the NBA, but this really does take the cake. Ol Russy gets all of the attention on the Thunder because he wears blankets and other rags to his press conferences but Adams is straight GLEAMIN. Shine on player!

PS- Who does this remind me of... who does this remind me of... OH THAT'S RIGHT:


Tuesday, May 6, 2014


Well deserved. It's universally known that everyone likes Durant and he's an exceptional ball player. Nothing really to add.

Except for the fact that this is the worst thing that can possibly happen for me. We're all happy for Durant but this is going to light a fire under LeBron's ass. He's already playing at a freakish level because it's the playoffs but make no mistake about it... he is FUMING that he didn't win this MVP.

Guys, have you seen the Heat lately? They haven't lost yet in these playoffs and the teams that were supposed to at least give them a run for their money have looked remarkably vulnerable.

You got the likes of Indiana where ol Roy is messin' around and putting up eggs across the stat line.

OKC just got their bread buttered in game 1 and went 7 with a Memphis team that barely squeeked into the playoffs.

San Antonio had to go 7 as well but I still got confidence in them because of their championship pedigree.

Regardless, Durant winning MVP is no good because now LeBron is gonna demolish everything in sight. Also wouldn't be surprised if the refs continue to give him every single call. "Poor Bron didn't win the MVP, I'll give him this 4 point play at the end of regulation to make up for it."

Also, if you had any doubt while reading this if LeBron was actually upset about not winning MVP take a gander at this:

Soooo the team lost an individual award?

And look, I know you need to be on a good team in order to win MVP but the Heat and Thunder were separated by 5 games so you can spare me.

PS- Anyone seeing these commercials for the LeBron app on Samsung? Makes me physically ill just thinking of the idiots that are actually downloading this junk and enjoying it.