Sunday, June 8, 2014
World Cup Preview!
Look, I know I normally fool around and post some light stuff with about 2 paragraphs but this is serious. This is the World Cup. This is the greatest sporting event ever. Super Bowl? Nope. World Series? Stop. Literally anything else? Spare me. I'll let you bingers in on a secret... Blob has a post about how soccer sucks and he's had it lined allll the way up since last year. Wah Wah Wah, soccer is boring, it sucks, nobody cares... well bite me. I don't need Blob's take or any other Americans. It's the most popular sport in the goddamn world for a reason... so lets break it down:
No brainer... it's Brazil. You're on your own soil. Neymar is a beast and at the end of the day they have the most pressure of any team to ever play a world cup match. They are Brazil... in Brazil... that's all you need to know. Watch for Neymar and Hulk's huge ass.
Uh Spain? But it doesn't matter. The 2 finalists from 2010 are in the same group which is kind of absurd. I love the Dutch. But this really is a 2 horse race. It doesn't matter who finshes first or second because they are both nasty. But bullet to cranium... gimme Spain. Actually, here's the thing, people don't realize Spain is still unreal. Haven't really lost much of their flawless team from South Africa.
Japan. EVERYONE sleeps on Japan every single year and I don't understand why. This is a competitive group but Keisuke Honda has one of the best free kicks ever. Literally ever. You can't foul these guys anywhere near the 18 otherwise it could be some real trouble. Also, I think Ivory Coast is gonna be dog shit. Everyone knows Didier and the Toure brothers but they are junk.
Italy. Balotelli. That's all you need to know. Most lethal forward in the game. He's an idiot but he also has a foot made of gold. I don't want you guys hitching your wagons to Uruguay. Everyone is hoppin on Suarez's nuts but let ol tio let you in on another secret... He won't perform. He will get shut down. No Suarez, no Forlan... no offense. Noche Noche. I'll take Forza.
Toughest one to predict because they all suck. I'm gonna take Honduras. Cinderella team and the Concaf gets NEGATIVE love. To this day I will never respect France. The past 2 world cups have been disgraceful. Zidane in 2006 and their pant pooping in 2010.
Argentina. About time, man. They always get jobbed. Messi, it's your time to be a hero. The other 3 teams are hideous. Wrap it up.
Germany. Group of death. Most people won't like this take but the Americans are cooked. I said this since the draw. It's not fair to place us in Portugal and Germany but that's the way the milk distills. I just can't wait for USA v. Germany. Mainly because I want to see how Jurgy performs against the mother land. I feel like he will be out for blood. It has it all, really. But I'll take the Krauts. They are so damn mechanical and disciplined. They have some of my favorite players: Muller, Bastian, Gotze. They will win that group relatively easily. That said, Portugal is still nasty because of that animal C Ron.
Belgium. I have MONSTER hopes for this team. I'm talking like semi final hopes. Everyone knows about Eden Hazard but Vincent Kompany gets no love. Guy has held it down for the Premier winners because he is an amazing defender. Give me a million Kompany's and you will go far.
That's it and that's all. Go USA!
PS- Blob's the type of cat that loves the show Louie when in reality that show sucks but he will tell you that you don't understand comedy.
PPS- Love you, Blob.
Posted by Tarun Subramanian at 2:58 AM